INTENTIONAL TIME TOGETHER

 

 

Roses. Chocolates. Candy. Candlelight dinners. When it comes to romance, some of us believe that the right combination of gifts in the right environment will automatically lead to greater romance. However, true romance in marriage doesn’t come from simple formulas with money-back-guaranteed results. Rather, much like building a fire, romance can be kindled over time by implementing several intentional practices.

 

In our 26 years of marriage, we have found that one of the best practices for kindling romance is developing rhythms of intentional time together. God’s Word is clear that we should look carefully at how we spend our time. Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” In marriage, we can make “the best use of the time” with our spouses by spending intentional time together to deepen our friendship and grow in our love for one another. Following this passage, Ephesians 5 ends with instructions about how husbands and wives should spend time together.

 

In The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller said, “When God brought the first man his spouse, he brought him not just a lover but the friend his heart had been seeking.” Strong marriages with lots of romance come from deep friendships. If you want to grow in your romance with your spouse, focus on spending intentional time together: daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly.

 

Our lives are busy with work, kids, school, church, sports, bills, laundry, dishes, and everything else. However, in the midst of the daily grind, we have made it a practice to communicate and spend some kind of intentional time together every day. On a typical day, this may look like several texts or calls to check in. We also spend a few minutes catching up (in-person) every day apart from kids. Some nights this means taking a walk together to share life and highlights and laugh together.

 

Each week, we have made it a practice to spend time praying together one evening. We pray for one another, for our daughters and other needs in our extended and church family. Praying together is a different level of intimacy than everyday conversation. Intimacy leads to stronger friendships and deeper romance, not as a formula but rather as the by-product of spending time together.

 

We have also made it a practice to carve out intentional time through a monthly date night. When our girls were little, this often looked like putting the kids to bed and then getting a romantic (take-out) dinner while watching a movie together. As our children have gotten older, we have enjoyed going out together to try new restaurants or going to outdoor concerts. Over time, we’ve found it’s less about where we go or what we do and more about just spending intentional time together and having fun.

 

Annual trips together are another rhythm that will enhance the romance in your marriage. This is time for just the two of you to get away, disconnect from everyday responsibilities, and just enjoy making new memories together. So leave the kids with a grandparent or family friend and go explore new places as you share adventures together.

 

When it comes to romance, there is nothing wrong with flowers or gifts, candles or candy. However, strong friendships and deep romance can never be bought or fabricated. Instead, the fires of romance are stoked with the embers of friendship through rhythms of spending intentional time together. How can you cultivate new practices of spending intentional time together in the daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly rhythms of your marriage?