A CONSTANT PURSUIT OF EACH OTHER

 

Overview

 

In this article we (Tyler and Catie) want to provide two warnings against common views of romance in popular culture, and then share some personal experience and practical ideas that help us rekindle romance in our marriage.

 

Two Deficient Perspectives on Romance: Idealistic & Pessimistic

 

Here are two common views of love and romance present in our popular culture that fail to capture the richness of a biblical view of romance and marriage:

 

Idealistic Perspective

 

The Idealistic perspective of romance expects a romantic relationship to produce the ultimate level of happiness possible for an individual. This perspective is captured most clearly in the sentimentalized depictions of love and romance that are present in popular culture.

 

Pessimistic Perspective

 

The Pessimistic view describes long-term romantic relationships (especially marriages) as binding on the freedom of an individual. When romance and marriage become difficult, “greener pastures” are pursued. The pessimistic perspective is displayed most clearly in the continued rise of divorce rates among U.S. populations, especially high divorce rates among cultural celebrities.

 

Now, my (Tyler’s) guess is that the first half of this article has done little to help you rekindle romance in your marriage. But, I wanted to communicate that romance in a Christian marriage is neither idealized, nor pessimistic; it is neither overly-sentimentalized, nor should it be a happy-less drudge. Instead, as a gift of God, a Christian marriage promotes individual and personal fulfillment (joy, comfort, peace, security, etc.), while also recognizing that the main emphasis of marriage is not merely self-fulfillment but is about building one another up in Christ and displaying to the world the covenantal love of God for His people. So, for the glory of God and the good of us all, let romance in our marriages be rekindled.

 

Personal Experience and Practical Ideas

 

Early in our marriage I (Catie) remember thinking and believing that our love must be the greatest in the history of love! It was easy to ride the highs of romance and the simplicity of the honeymoon phase. Now, as I reflect back on 16 years of marriage, we’ve lived enough life to admit that much humble pie has been consumed.

 

While we haven’t really thought of romance in terms of best practices, as we consider what has worked for us, what has sparked romance, one idea rises to the top: a constant pursuit of each other. 

 

Here’s what this pursuit means to us:

 

1. Constant and clear communication
2. Putting my spouse before myself
3. A sincere interest in the things my spouse enjoys
4. Offer forgiveness first 
5. Have fun together

 

Sometimes in our marriage romance happens naturally (even spontaneously), but sometimes when we are “not feeling it,” it takes effort. Even so, I feel most secure in Tyler’s love when these 5 things have been met, and then romance is a natural overflow.

 

FINAL TIP: If we can leave you with a romance tip — find a way that communicates love to your spouse and then give it genuine effort.