THE BEST "YES" IS SOMETIMES A FIRM, BUT LOVING "NO"

 

 

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” - Ephesians 2:10

 

This season at Forever Marriage, through our podcasts and blogs, we’ve been examining what those who FINISH WELL do.  If you’ve not already done so, I encourage you to check us out online (ForeverMarriage.org) to see what you’ve missed.

 

Gene Powell was the world’s best at telling me, “No.”  

 

Here’s the backstory…

 

For those who may not know, since September 2000, I’ve served at Lakewood Baptist in Gainesville, Ga. as the Discipleship Pastor.  Part of my role is to recruit, enlist, and train leaders for adult groups (Sunday School, Community Groups, Men’s Groups, etc.).  In case you didn’t already know, in church world, leadership is always at a premium.  There’s an on-going need for a leadership pipeline.  Healthy and growing churches never have enough leaders.  The church that says they have enough leaders and don’t need any more may not realize it, but they’re probably already dying a slow death.

 

Back to Gene.  He was a life-long Navigator.  He spent his days discipling men in their walk with Jesus Christ.  For years, he was even a spiritual mentor to me.  He was wise in the things of God and had a great knowledge of scripture. He probably had more Bible verses memorized than I’ve actually read my whole life! (That’s a slight exaggeration, but you get the point.)

 

In my mind, Gene was a natural to either be a Sunday School teacher, Community Group leader, or Men’s Accountability Group leader.  On numerous occasions, I would ask Gene if he would prayerfully consider leading one of these types of groups for me.  He would hear me out, but would generally give me the same response, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’ll have to say ‘no’.”

 

If I’m being honest, I was often a little put out with him.  I’d think to myself, “He knows our needs.  He gets what we’re trying to do here in discipleship.  He could do it as well as anyone.  Why won’t he help me?!” 

 

Here’s what I began to understand about Gene.  He was a man on a mission.  As a sailor himself, God had forever changed his life through the ministry of the Navigators.  And as result, Gene had felt God’s call and commission to be used to change other men’s lives (most often in a one-to-one scenario).  He was not going to be deterred from that mission.  Gene was singularly focused.

 

Since his death in the fall of 2022, Gene’s ability to give me a firm but loving “no” has forever changed my outlook on ministry and life in general.  You see, as I look back on my life, I’m confident that I’ve said “yes” to things that I probably should have said “no” to.

 

In the early years of my and Dawn’s marriage, when things were rather toxic at home, I said “yes” to any number of things that would get me out of the house...

 

“Yes” to coaching the men’s church softball team…

 

“Yes” to chaperoning youth trips…

 

“Yes” to leading a men’s Sunday School class…

 

“Yes” to serving as a lay worship leader…

 

I’m sure the list could probably go on.

 

I often said “yes” from the position of emptiness, insecurity, and need.  Because my marriage was lacking, I found that saying “yes” to “good” things (that often appeared to be of God) gave me the acceptance, affirmation, appreciation, approval and attention that was perceptively missing in my marriage.  Receiving the above five emotional love needs from the Body of Christ became intoxicating for me.  Though I never realized it at the time, I was saying “yes” to things in the hopes of receiving from others that which I had already received from God (Romans 15:7, 2 Peter 1:3,4).

 

Here’s the point I’m trying to make:  

 

• Without a clear sense of who we are in Christ (that we’re fully accepted, fully loved, fully secure, fully significant in Him); in other words, we’re complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10)...
• Without a biblical understanding of our spiritual gifts given to us by the Holy Spirit upon salvation for the edification of the Body…
• Without a keen sense of the things that ignite our heart and our passions…
• Without a sure understanding of what we’re actually good at and what our abilities are…
• Without a clear understanding of how our personality is best used by God…
• And finally, without a firm grasp of how the experiences of life have shaped us and are now to be used by God for His glory (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28)

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…we’ll inevitably say “yes” to things we probably should have said “no” to.

 

Why do we do that?  There’s a variety of reasons.  Here’s a few…

 

• Like me, you may be attempting to fill a perceived void or hole you think you have in your life.
• Like me, you may not be aware that you have a S.H.A.P.E. (see above), given you by God, to fulfill the work of the ministry He’s prepared for you (Ephesians 2:10).
• Like me, you may not be fully aware of your motivations.  Proverbs 16:2, states, “All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the LORD weighs the motives.” Simply ask yourself, “Why am I doing what I’m doing?”
• Unlike me, you may be a people-pleaser.  The thought of telling someone “no” makes you cringe and quiver.  You reason, “What will they think of me if I tell them no?” So, you’d rather be burned out, overworked, and stretched to unhealthy limits than to take the chance of letting someone down and possibly disappointing them.

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Do you want to FINISH WELL?  If so, you will have to learn to start saying “no.”

 

Every “good” thing may not be a “God” thing for you.  Have you ever thought that by saying “yes” to every “good” thing that comes your way, you may be taking a “God” thing away from someone else?

 

Those who FINISH WELL have learned the art of giving their best “yes” by sometimes giving a firm but loving “no.”  Gene Powell sure did!